Ezekiel, chapters 36 and 37, talks about how Israel was ruined. I heard an incredible sermon by Hillsong's Brian Houston last summer, called "Glorious Ruins." He talked about Lamentations, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, and all of what happened to Israel. I had my years of saying to the Lord, "You were at work in Matthew's life yesterday, today, and you'll be at work in my life every day until I meet him again." I determined some time ago that I was not going to let anything destroy me. I would talk about it with close friends and say, "It's like sitting on the edge of hell." In the last year-and-a-half of his life, we lived right on the edge every day. I said at Matthew's memorial service, "We're devastated, but not destroyed." I don't know that you ever stop being devastated by catastrophic loss. We're going to survive, and some day we'll thrive again." Is this still true? On CNN, you said, "I'm terrible but not okay. How could we ever be the same? Trauma changes you. The trauma of knowing what he did to himself, how he destroyed the body of this child that we loved. Our child murdered himself in the most raw way I can tell you. How can I be the same? For us as a couple, as a family, there were five of us now there are four. Looking back, how do you describe what you call "the old Rick and Kay"?īecause of our love, we conceived a child together. I have experienced grief, and my heart aches for you."Īnd don't ever start a sentence with the words "at least." Any time I hear the words at least coming at me, I know it's going to be a sentence that makes me mad: "At least you had him for 27 years." "At least you have other children." You do not." The best we can do is to say, "My heart breaks for you. We're so quick to say, "Oh, I know how you feel," and we usually add the words exactly: "I know exactly how you feel." I want to say, "No. The grief of my friend, whose daughter was murdered, has an aspect that's even different than mine. We have two decades of living with a severely mentally ill person that traumatized us. He took his life, and he did it in a violent way. I can tell you the experience of losing my 27-year-old, mentally ill son a year ago was not at all the same as losing my dad. Rick and I have been the beneficiaries of an extraordinary outpouring of love and sympathy and empathy and compassion. They feel guilty that their loss tanked them so badly and shame that it still has them in that place of deep grief. I want to honor those people who told me their story. Somebody wrote, "I want to print words around my neck that say, 'Please just read Kay Warren's Facebook post.'" I jotted off that Facebook post and have been completely astounded by the response-3,780,000 views and more than 10,000 comments. I said, "Before the one-year mark was up, did you have people telling you, hinting or saying to you that you should move on?" I asked other people who had lost children. I was having lunch with a mother younger than I am who was recently bereaved. In the last month, there were four instances where I was subtly or not subtly moved along. The response to your Facebook post has been staggering. Morgan, CT senior editor, global journalism. Recently, Kay Warren agreed to her first in-depth interview about her son's suicide with Timothy C. Today, Saddleback senior pastor Rick Warren and Kay will convene one of the largest ever, one-day gatherings of Christian leaders focused on the role of churches in addressing mental illness. Mental illness and depression are linked to suicide, and Matthew had borderline personality disorder. They recounted the insensitivity of family and friends, and their own shame and guilt about their overwhelming grief. Thousands of individuals shared stories of lost family members due to illness, suicide, or accidents. Within seven days, her 800-word missive had gone viral with 3.75 million readers and 10,000 comments. The co-founder of Saddleback church wrote on Facebook, "As the one-year anniversary of Matthew's death approaches, I have been shocked by some subtle and not-so-subtle comments indicating that perhaps I should be ready to 'move on.' … I have to tell you – the old Rick and Kay are gone. About two weeks ago, Kay Warren's anger boiled over.
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